I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
