i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize