when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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