that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
