everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
