he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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