The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize