this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
In America we eat man semen.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
