I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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