i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
