what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
