what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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