What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
