oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
