it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
