Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
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