I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
