I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
