1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
