I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
A+ Viking dick
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize