from now on my penis is your penis
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
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I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
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He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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