Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
