No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
