I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
