one might say we're banned from that church
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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