Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
