how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
