My hand turned me down
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
