I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
