Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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