Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize