i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
