i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
