Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
