True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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