Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
