i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
