He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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