This girl is more easily done than said...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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