Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
