Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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