Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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