and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
