I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
