Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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