Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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