maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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