Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
we're so committed to being not committed
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
