I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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