after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
two words...techno handjob
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
