The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
