half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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