I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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