so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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