I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
50% drunk capacity currently
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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