All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
