That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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