I hate all girls vehemently.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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