Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
