Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
