We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
