And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
