Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
