i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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