so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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