Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
