That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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