Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
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Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
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I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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