she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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