I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
