I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
