I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
What drink are we having for lunch?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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