Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
