My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
