Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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