So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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