my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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