You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
