If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
